Changeaholic

Mr. Big’s comeback

If you are following me on twitter, you probably knew I saw M. twice the past 2 weeks. If you didn’t, let me tell you what happened…

First, who’s Mr. Big ? (Geez, come on you ain’t reading my life?! neither SATC?!)

I was Carrie (or sometimes Charlotte) and he was MY Mr. Big.

He’s ‘the’ M.

He’s the man I have been with the longest in my life.

He’s the hottest guy I’ve had in my bed. Hum…well, let’s say he’s pretty hot, just in case some other letters are jealous.

He’s physically my ideal man.

Which is: 5’9″, brown short hair, brown eyes that makes you go crazy, sweet smile, strong arms, three tattoos, small but not too small, a perfect shape…

Now, you must think…If he is THAT hot, why aren’t you guys together?!

Well we had problems, now it’s fine and we are good friends, but back when we were together, it wasn’t that cool. We have different personalities, he’s way crazier than me (which I love) but sometimes he’s too extreme. After all we had gone through, I could say we had a love&hate relationship which I/We/Him ended on December 2008. Since then, I’ve tried to forget him. It took me long, but I succeeded. It hurt me a lot, but I had to do it. Everyone kept telling me that he wasn’t the one for me. I’m still wondering if I should have listened to them…Anyway, past is past. Now he has a new GF. Yeah crappy story…but the thing is, they kinda aren’t together anymore but still living in the same house (I know you just told yourself “Yeah right, that’s what he tells you”, but I believe him…I wanna believe him). Which is weird and makes me feel uncomfortable with that.

Then, two weeks ago, he called me and told me that he was coming to Qc, and that he wanted to see me, from thursday to saturday. I was like Woah. We had seen each other a little since then, but like twice in one and a half year (?!!!). It was weird. I wanted to see him but I knew it wasn’t a good idea. When is seeing your ex a good idea?!

Never.

But I just can’t say No to him. So I saw him and he was as cute as cool as crazy as hot as I remembered. CRAP! Why…why…WHY did I saw him?! Now I just can’t be with any guy, I must find better, and that’s hard, pretty hard. We had a w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l time together, we laughed, we saw movies and videos, we talked. It was perfect. The thing is, he made me sad again…he left for another city sooner than we had planned and I was expecting to see him all weekend, which we didn’t. He left friday while I was at work… Jerk? No. He had to go… But it messed all my weekend, I was the stupid one thinking way too much about him. I felt stupid and hurt and then being sad for someone who shouldn’t make me sad anymore. I got over it back then, I can still now.

A week later, this past thursday, (after apologizing all week) M. tells me he’s coming again to Qc. And of course, he still wanted to see me. Let’s be honest, I wanted too. But what I didn’t know…is that someone else was also coming over to see me…

But who?

You’ll have to wait for more updates ;)

The Surprising H.

I never thought I would have a H. Most of the time, my letters are always M. A. J. J. M. A. J.

Looks like only some names attract me!

Then someone on twitter talked about a H. I was like…wtf ? H. ? I checked my list (of course there isn’t any list, I think…maybe I should do one…anyway), no…no H. She just said a random letter. But what is funny, is that days later, I actually met a H. Yes, a H. Coincidence? Maybe…Destiny? I hope not.

So I met this guy online, kinda cute, interesting, we even did webcam convo. Kinda cool, funny. So I give it a shot. Why not ? Maybe H.’s are my true love. We set a date. A simple dinner. But, that guy was doing 2h of driving to see me, on a WEEK day. And like we planned it 2 days before. It was really sudden. Maybe TOO fast. He was the one driving so, why not? I said yes. I waited for him…I was stressed…wasn’t sure if I was reaaaaally interested.

20h. He was ringing at my door. I opened the door. And there he was : H.

But I had no butterflies, no desire to flirt. He was just not my type. And I knew it, from the very beginning. Too skinny for me. I mean, some guys are small but STILL they attract me. But him, no. We just didn’t fit you know. I was then really uncomfortable. What should I do? Well, at least, I tried to have fun. We went for dinner at the restaurant near my home. He’s like the shy guy, I should rename him. And it was kinda boring…I was the only one talking. And he kept smiling and listening. I tried to make him talk, it worked for 5 secs, then nothing. DAMN! It looked like houuuuurs. But we had a nice dinner anyways. Then I would have let him leave, but I couldn’t…He had done 2 hours of driving to see me. Geez. I brought him back home.

- Want something to drink ? A beer ?

- No.

- Humm…juice?

- No.

- Water ?

- No.

- Something to eat ?

- No.

- Hum…wanna talk about something ?

- What do you wanna talk about ?

- …

[...]

I didn’t even know what to say! It was ridiculous.

So we watched a movie, then he wouldn’t have to talk.

It was late…I couldn’t send him back home so late and he worked the day later.

So I told him to sleep at home. Which he did…

But NO, we didn’t. If you know what I mean.

I just couldn’t. It was like a friend. I couldn’t.

Some hours later, he went back home. I was relieved. We had a little chat later, and I kinda told him that I didn’t know if there was gonna be anything more between us. I thought it was clear.

What I didn’t know…is that he actually kinda REALLY liked me. Uh Hu.

4 days later. Back home from a trip to Montreal.

I arrived at my appartment. And there, I saw it.

6 roses. Beaaaaaauuuuuuuuutiful roses. (You can see them HERE.)

My first reaction was : OMFG MY ROOMMATE RECEIVED FLOWERS !!!!!!!! WOW!

Then, I read the note. And then, my reaction was: FUCK it’s for me !

And I started to laugh, a big laugh.

No indication of who was the sender. Then I thought…No. No fucking way. He didn’t. And yes, he did. H. sent me 6 beautiful amazing roses. Hoping I would be thinking of him.

I felt SO bad. I wasn’t thinking about him, at all. I didn’t even think it would be for me.

Poor guy. Of course, I thanked him. But right now, I’m trying to figure out how to tell him. That I’m just…not that into you.

Help ?

M. S.